ineffable

my writing never seems to be able to capture
the entirety of the moment.

either i leave out the setting
the impetus for writing
the related thoughts that came before
the intensity of the moment OR
the tangents that tantalize en route

something is always,
and will always be,

missing

i think more slowly when i write.

and i talk faster than i think.

an entry for august

So I have to post in this blog at least before the month is over. It's a bit difficult to post regularly in this blog when I have 5 other blogs, carefully divided into categories that reveal the different parts of me: educator, new mommy, prayer, tougher stuff. I like compartments sometimes. They at least help me organize my thoughts and they add some nice little themes to my life--ones that I'm certain will prove helpful when I begin to assemble my memoir. All these autobiographical tidbits will be useful and relatively easy to access, especially with the neat little "label" function on these blogs.

Anyway, I have a number of things I've wanted to write about in this, my semi-public blog, but whether it's the option of posting them in another blog, or the subtle intimidation that the very pronouncement, "I gotta write in my blog about this" introduces to the endeavor...I haven't successfully done so. Among the desired topics: my first time making a really good dinner after following a recipe (as seen on tv) and the joy that ensued (from the cook and the diners). Another topic I wanted to reflect on here was writing (again), as I was notably inspired upon reading Toni Morrison's Love. We share the same birthday, by the way. If I've been endowed with even a smidgeon of her talent, whew! That is yet to be determined.

Alas, life calls again. I'm off to have one last chat with Q before she leaves for college tomorrow. Thus, the blogging will resume later.

Oh, I do want to mention that I discovered an upcoming opportunity for bloggers to hear from Scott Rosenberg, the author of a book about blogging. It's called Say Everything: How Blogging Began, What It's Becoming, and Why It Matters. November 4th up at Cal. Hope to see you there! (I think that's the first time I've spoken directly to my readers in a blog, ever. Cool. (OK, enough with the metacognitive stuff)). Good night ;)

dreams | on writing

I really want to be a writer one day. I know, I know, I'm already a writer, right? In fact, I'm writing right now! But you know what I mean--a published author. One who has evidence of a process of thinking and articulating and putting thought to (ultimately) paper. And then of course, revision and feedback and finally...a tangible tri-dimensional artifact, complete with front cover and a nifty About the Author section. And of course a dedication--poignancy packed into just a petite few words. Ah! To have a published piece of work.

I know that I do indeed have a lot to offer, wherewith all of my experiences and funny way of retelling things, post-reflection and analysis. In fact, I have a journal full of personal experiences and circumstances that could very well make some bomb writing topics. At this point, I think it's just a matter of mustering enough courage to brave the risk that comes with writing, editing and publishing your work.

I mean, I just look at all these memoirs and witty fiction that are coming out and I get so excited. Like the one there, by the supermarket clerk who turned her humdrum, less-than-i-imagined, not-what-i-really-wanted kind of life into a bestseller! And it's a funny one too! Talk about making lemonade out of lemons! And I think it's great that in a world with so much diversity and different experiences that people like to bring to the forefront, underneath it all, we all have something in common with someone else. And others can benefit from seeing themselves in our stories--real or fiction.

So, to that end of stepping out of the box of anonymity and withheld talent, I am going forward with my dream of publishing a childrens' book for and about children of incarcerated parents. I know a friend from high school who maybe could illustrate it. We have an entire community of folks who would be able to relate to the subject, including churches that participate in the Angel Tree program, serving hundreds of kids here locally and hundreds of thousands nationally. I mean, it would be so amazing to be able to give these kids who often feel so isolated, whose parent's incarceration has become a secret condition, to be able to give them a book in which they can see themselves!

I don't even necessarily want to make a profit. I just want to give to kids who are like I was a chance to feel recognized, validated, and important. And I certainly don't have to be a best-seller, just want to impact some kids who need encouragement, and some folks who could use the insight on this oft-ignored fallout of mass incarceration. This venture would represent a unique coupling of my interests and talents: children of incarcerated parents + writing + testimony. All for the glory of God.

So, right now I'm researching existing children's books, the best of which so far seems to be this one, which like mine, highlights the love in the midst of the difficulty, and depicts an African-American family. Besides Woodson's book, it seems like there are very very few books that have been published in the past 5 years on the subject, nor are there many that show families of color or highlight the love that prevails. I think I've found a good niche here.

I've also been reading a book I've had for years now, All Alone in the World. It was written by a prolific journalist and highlights, with heart, the stories of these children in a format geared toward passionate workers for justice. I originally received it as a gift upon meeting with the director for Community Works, when I was applying for a job there years ago. It's funny (yet amazing) how these opportunities just build upon each other and how as long as your passion never dies, neither will the possibilities for your dreams.

A man’s gift makes room for him, And brings him before great men. Proverbs 18.16.
i.e. your gifts will make room for you, and cause you to go places you never imagined. At least that's my interpretation...

the start | purposeful inquiry

It's been months now that I have been seriously wanting to create a blog that would showcase my thoughts, invite conversations, and ultimately, provide a forum for purposeful inquiry. If you were to search a dictionary, inquiry refers to a search for truth, knowledge, or information. These, I certainly seek. Still, above all else, I seek God--His ways, His will, His presence in my daily life. Even in the rawness and uncertainty, I'm sure that He's there, though my antennas are sometimes out of tune.

So, this blog will basically be a cumulative collection of various reflections I have. The spark of inspiration will surely vary. News as it happens. Questions for which I seek answers. Impressionable lines I read in books or the Bible. Whatever the spark, I am committing to bridling my thoughts, writing them with cohesion, and sharing them for the edification of whoever will read them. I expect this process to be liberating for me as it is the first blog I'm actually making public. I expect it to be fun, an opportunity to share the gifts God has given me. And I expect it to connect me with folks on an intimate level, inasmuch as sharing thoughts necessitates.

Sometimes redundant, sometimes apparently obvious, my ruminations nonetheless represent me. I just hope my written presentation of them will represent me just as well.