Responses to Undesired Attention from Guys

Today, while at the mall with 2 friends: 25 and 26 years old, I was astonished. I had already sat down to eat when I saw a teenage boy (maybe 18/19) come up to the 26-year-old and try to get her #. She replied a simple, "not interested," to which he responded with a long wordplay about what he should call her, "not"? She could not get him to leave her alone until she walked away from him swiftly. Couldn't even enjoy her time with friends at the mall because of such an annoying intrusion.

It has always bothered me how we as young women are often approached by men (young and old) who are trying to "get at" us (or holla, mack, run game, spit, whatever you choose to call it). Then, if we are not interested, we have to be careful about how we respond to their unsolicited propositions or else we become a target.

Often, we want to be nice without just flat out saying "get out of my face." Simply saying you're not interested can result in him yelling about how you "think you too good" or calling you foul names. Offering a polite smile with a "no" can somehow translate to "yes, please keep following me." Ignoring him altogether can turn into a yelling fest you didn't ask for and don't deserve. And don't let him be with a group of his boys. Then, his poor ego is on the line. And so, then, is your safety (emotional or otherwise). I can honestly remember times as a teenager when I've given a guy a fake number just to get him to leave me alone. It's a terrible place to be in--at risk for violation, humiliation and degradation.

Now that I'm married, I don't have to deal with being in that uncomfortable space as much. Notice I didn't say anymore. I have had guys still approach me (ring, baby, and all), but it doesn't compare to what I used to go through while at the mall, walking down the street, anywhere. And, funny enough, it's now after I'm married that I can think of some strong and effective retorts.

So, to the young women who find yourselves speechless or unsure of how to get a guy to leave you alone without putting yourself in danger, here is a growing list of ideas:

1) If he is ridiculously younger than you, as in the situation I experienced today, the best thing is to really get on his level. i.e. "Excuse me young man, are you talking to me?" Or ask about his grades or how he's doin' in school, for goodness' sake! That'll stop him in his tracks.

2) It's ok to show your astonishment. "Are you serious right now?" with a bewildered look on your face. Hopefully, he'll realize your shock and back off.

3) Say emphatically: "Hallelujah, praise the Lord, how you doin' brother" while saluting him with the stiff hand wave.

4) Immediately respond: "Do you know the Lord?"--As suggested by a male friend of mine in college. Helps to cut out the dumb stuff.

5) Turn around as if looking for someone. Then, "Oh, you were talking to me? Because I'm a child of God. [pause, looking very concerned]. But God bless you." I know that doesn't make a whole lot of sense logically, but it's meant to kinda confuse him. If he really wants to know more, or if it rings a bell for him, then at least it may open the door for meaningful conversation, rather than one-sided foolishness.